Back on the Ground

At one point, I found the peace that comes in silence and mindfulness. It was pure silence, inside and out. It was awe for the beauty in breathing. It was uninterrupted for a moment. There was no noise; no crickets singing, no voices speaking, no cars passing by. I was floating in mid-air just less than a mile above Lake Elsinore and I felt it. I was present in that moment and acutely aware of the grandness of the world and the simplicity of it, when it is allowed to be simple. I saw the big picture for a moment and realized how small is the frame I try to fit it in.

It was one of those moments best described in the film "American Beauty". "Sometimes there is so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart is just going to cave in."

I was skydiving when I felt this. First we went up to 12,500 free above the ground. Then, my partner and I jumped. Then, we sank at 120mph for over 1 mile during free-fall. I was scared but I knew I was safe. I wasn't scared that I'd die or that the parachute wouldn't open. I was scared that I was actually going through with something that I never thought I would and that might lead to me doing it again. At 5,000 feet, I pulled the cord and the parachute opened. I really thought I wouldn't have the wits to pull the cord but I had control. I think for the first time in months, I had control of something.

Jumping out of a plane was simple compared to making some of the changes I want to make in my life. In all honesty, I might not have been in that plane had someone not pushed me and I might not have jumped out had I not been pushed. I need to be the force on the ground though. There is no push, there is only the shove and there is only me to do it. What a lovely metaphor skydiving would be for my life right now if only I hadn't gone tandem and hadn't been pushed. Still, I did something I never though that I would do and I know I have it in me to do that again, even if it is on a smaller scale. I want to feel that rush of adrenaline and the calm afterwards.

I think I was happy as I floated above the Earth and I think that on Saturday, I was given the gift of perspective that is just now coming into focus.